As an adult I have learned to second guess myself. It's not something I am proud of, but it has been a norm for me for a long time. I wondered often where did that come from? Was it because when I said something to adults as a child, they dismissed my request or my belief? I think that may have been one of the many factors.
I have so much to take away from my childhood as I am sure so do you. Today, Karuna my 4 year old was playing with the box with lentils in it and she said, "mommy, there is kidi (ant) in there". I am like, "let me see". And to my naked eye I could not see any ants crawling around. We went back and forth for several minutes and I still couldn't see what she was talking about. By this time my usual reaction would have been, "there isn't any kidi (ant), I don't know what you are talking about" and dismissed it. But I remember that is how I stopped listening to my inner voice and started doubting it in the first place. Approval from our parents is such an important part of our well being. I needed to listen to what she was talking about and saying. Knowing that I was cooking and what was on the stove needed my attention, I asked my husband to assist. I did not want to dismiss her. I shared the story with my husband and now he started looking in the box, but he couldn't see what she was talking about either. Next thing we know, we have this baking sheet, we laid out all the lentils on there and emptied out the box. Then, my husband suggested we look at it under the sun as it can be deceiving under kitchen light. Luckily, it was sunny today and so he took the lentils outside. Hold be hold. there were ants. And they weren't ant's that you could see easily to your naked eye. They were ants that were crawling, so small that you would have to stand real still to watch them move. And I wouldn't have noticed them under kitchen light. I had to go under sunlight to see it. God dang it. Who knew? Here I was so sure my daughter was wrong, turned out it was me who needed to be patient and give her a chance to prove herself.
How many times has that happened to us? How many times have we dismissed ourselves or our inner child's voice when there is something so important that needed to be shared and discussed. How many times have we shunned our children away, because we were so darn sure that what we were seeing and doing was both correct and best for them? And how many times we have ran out of patience and dismissed what they have to say?
Hey, I happen to be a culprit to all of these. I too have been a victim of giving up when my daughter has demanded more than I could provide. But this incident helped me take that extra minute to help her see what she needed to see. To help her listen to her inner voice and for her to know that we are here to support her inner voice and that we will listen, hopefully without dismissing her in the present and in the future. Again, I am not a perfect parent and I don't plan to be, but I do hope to be a better parent for my child so that she does not end up second guessing her inner voice, like I have done.
Thank You for reading
