A wish

Going to make this simple :)

Since I was in Ayurveda school, CCA (California College of Ayurveda), I have always wanted to work with my then teacher Debra Riordan (who taught us Ayurveda). There is just something about having guidance in the field that you are not confident in. I am someone who needs close monitoring and somewhat hand holding when it comes to seeing new clients. I tried making a business happen in 2008 by myself, just by seeing clients, but it seemed I lacked confidence. For the longest time I had this expectation of me, that I had to be perfect before I could start a practice of my own. I don't know who put that thought in my head but obviously it has stayed with me for a long time, blocking my journey forward and stopping me from giving back to the society all that I have learned through time. NOT anymore. 

Recently, day before my birthday I received an email from Debra, telling me she had space open in her office for a practitioner to work and collaborate with her, and because of that opportunity, I had popped into her head. Mind you, this is something I have waited for, for years and here my teacher who has been seeing clients for over 11 years reaches out letting me know that she might be interested in having me in her space out in the sunset district. You can only imagine the joy in my heart. I jumped on that opportunity and wrote back immediately expressing my interest in being a part of that journey. 

We met yesterday and it was perfect: seeing her again, the space, the energy, and the opportunity of working under her experience. I always wanted to be her apprentice and learn the ropes and here I was being given the exact opportunity in doing so. Mind you, there were few other experienced therapists waiting for the same position, but lets just say, Universe was kind to me.  As they say, "Timing is everything". This was a wish I have had for a long time. It was perfectly presented to me, after my birthday. :) and of course I said YES

With that said, I will be seeing new clients for Ayurveda, Reiki and Yoga every Monday, so if you know of anyone who is interested in getting their doshas in balance or wants to eat healthy or get healthy; is interested in one on one yoga privates (because going to a class of 20 students might be a bit overwhelming in the beginning), then I am the person to get in touch with. I plan to charge reasonably and am looking forward to giving back to the community what I have learned through years. I hope you will join me in supporting this journey as I move forward with enthusiasm and joy.

Thank You for reading 

With Love

Meeting at the Heart

I had no strength this morning to wake up and make it to my 9:00am class. My inspiration was my roommate whom I had promised I would go with and of course my beloved teacher was leading it. Even though I was exhausted working until 12:00am the night before, I dragged myself out of bed, asking every ounce of me to have strength to make through my 9:00am Laughing Lotus class. I did. And not only did I go through that class, but by the time I was done with that class I was alive, awake and a whole new person with aliveness oozing out of me. I loved it. Its almost like I had a whole new pair of eyes and a whole new body and energy by the time I walked out of that class.

Yoga is transforming; every aspect of it. And it transforms in such a subtle way that you cannot see the obvious but you can feel the obvious. Its like waiting for the minute's hand on the clock to tick and watching it patiently make that move and when it does, you know it happened, cause you not only saw it but felt the subtle movement on that watch. Yoga is that subtle movement, that subtle shift of energy that transformation that happens every day, but for that you have to be patient and you have to show up for yourself :)

I was born and raised in India for half my life, the other half I have been in the U.S. I grew up with Yoga. We did asana's every Wednesday morning as a part of our school program. Yoga was never boring for me. I had a liking towards it since I was a child. My purpose of writing this blog is to share the beauty of life, according to what I see in it and share it with you, hoping you see it too. What does India and the U.S represent to me, according to my practice of Yoga. What do my lower and upper chakras, mean to me in this context.? And how does Indian culture and Spirituality intertwine with each other. and how does the whole concept of "going deeper to rise higher" completes all of us.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chakra

Muladhara, Swadhishthana and Manipura - Lower chakras
Vishuddha, Ajna and Sahasrara- Higher chakras
Anahat (heart): where the meeting happens. I see it as the horizon. meeting of the Earth and the sky. meeting of the lower and the higher. Meeting of the Radha Krishna. Where love pours out of your heart for yourself and others; where the duality unites.

I see us humans as a tree. The deeper we ground ourselves in this physical realm the higher we rise above in the spiritual realm; just like a tree. Practice of Yoga physically grounds you and yet takes you higher at the same time. Our lower three chakras were given to us to keep us grounded and to keep us rooted in this world but the top three chakras were given to us, to rise above. The more we ground ourselves through our own discipline and practice of Yoga (according to me) the higher we rise in our world of spirituality.

For me Indian culture has been that rooting (bottom three chakras); and American culture where I learned about spirituality (top three chakras), has been that reaching higher and rising. I love Indian culture, but according to me, there are few things that need to be changed in our society; our narrow mindedness that does not allow us to move above and beyond, it holds us back from our own growth, its time for our own experiences to be looked with different eyes. Our culture is an enriched one, but sadly boxed in old way of thinking, and then there is Amercian culture, where I learned spirituality. Spirituality helped me step out of my old way of thinking and into the New Age way of life. Please understand, none of them are wrong, they are different and yet incomplete without the other. Too much of spirituality keeps you afloat; people cannot really rely upon you and what you have to say because you are always floating in that etheric realm (top three chakras). United states is still young (only 500 years old), still a child compared to India (over 10,000 years old), is blossoming, it too needs guidance and Indian culture steps in to teach Yoga and Ayurveda while American culture steps in to teach it spirituality and to think outside of the box, shedding old belief system. One needs another for balance.  I can only speak from experience; I have lived in my higher three chakras but not really grounded in how I was feeling or experiencing, later recognizing that they both are incomplete without the other. Lower chakras without the higher are incomplete, eastern culture without the eyes of western, feels incomplete and grounding without rising is incomplete.

Beauty of all this is, our heart opens when we find the beautiful balance of grounding and rising. The meeting happens at the heart, at the Anahat chakra, and even though there is a duality between the lower and the higher, there is a beautiful milaap/ milan/ meeting that happens at the heart, at the horizon. Heart, color green, color of nature, color of trees that reside between the Earth and the sky, where Radha Krishna meet is where we meet....at the Heart.

Thank You for reading
With Love

Labeling/ Controlling

Sipping on Chai this Sunday morning, birds chirping outside my window to the voice of spring, sitting here contemplating how to look at these few weeks passed by. I was on my walk this morning only to realize few things that have been lingering on my brain for quite some time now, a) Labeling b) Controlling

We were given both, a heart and a brain to use, equally in balance. Its so easy to turn to one side and neglect the other specially if that one favors in the direction we want to go in. What am I talking about? Relationships and labeling them. I have been making new friends, connecting with them, sharing life and it dawns on me, I don't know how to define this relationship: For human beings to understand a relationship, labeling is necessary. To explain a relationship words are needed and words somehow always tie a relationship down. Brain needs solid information, one that can fit in a square, one that can be defined, one that can be understood while Heart on the other side, knows no boundaries, know no limits or knows no territories. We sometimes cannot explain what connection we share with a person in a relationship or a friendship; sometimes I stand speechless when I try to define it, contain it, explain it. And yet somewhere between the two I am to find balance in knowing what I feel in my relationships for people and still explain them without confusing myself and others in it......Aaahhhhhh LIFE: such a delicate balance.

Controlling: That's been a whole new topic for me lately. So you know I am back from India now and have been looking for a job and finding a way to make it all happen once again. And in the midst of it all, I find myself going back to the same behavior patterns I had before I left San Francisco, learning and realizing: We are such creatures of habits. We go back to what feels comfortable and what feels safe to us, while we all know no such "concreteness" exists on this planet. It is merely an illusion.ex: safety of money, or beauty or even thinking the person you are with, is yours. Now that does not mean we throw everything away, NO, but to always remember that what we have in front of us right now, is not permanent. I am observing how much of my life is about controlling it to look a certain way, of how my life should look a "certain way" and only then I consider myself successful. In the midst of trying to become successful and accepted I somewhere along the line forget to live my life and love myself. Rat race makes us feel "less than". Competition makes us feel we are "not enough" no matter what we do we never will be unless we recognize our individuality and accept ourselves just the way we are. Bapu (my Guru) always says, would you ever compare Rose with a Lily? No right? They are two different flowers, then why would you compare yourself with another human being? If nature does not compete with one another why would we do such torture to our own kind?  And yet  we do it everyday..........All of that  too is a delicate balance between "control" and "living"

So, where am I headed with all this? God knows. Hopefully a little less control of how my life looks and little more of living it with joy, faith and happiness, knowing I am taken care of no matter happens; realizing there is a fine balance between labeling and actually enjoying a relationship just the way it is. Not trying to control of how "things look" to myself and to the world. I guess everything in moderation, in balance, in awareness brings BLISS...:)

Love

Balancing the feminine and the masculine within

What takes place in my outside world is not too different from what it is that I am feeling within. I have enjoyed sharing and understanding my life from inside out so why don't we continue on that journey as this next chapter in my life unfolds....

It has not been easy (on an emotional, mental or financial level) to come back from India. There are days that I look at myself and wonder, "Holy Fucking Shit....What the FUCK was I thinking? How on Earth am I going to start from scratch again?" I catch myself crying randomly. On some days, the sun in shining not just in the sky but also in my heart and on other days I can barely make it out of the dark head space my feelings like to go hide in. One day I am all chirpy and happy and the next moment, I could be a puddle of water.  I think the only thing that is keeping me sane and moving forward is Yoga or walking in the nature.

I know my friends are witnessing a huge shift in me. I know they somewhat recognize the old Falguni but also realize that this new one has returned jaded. I don't expect them to stand by me during this phase of life but DAMN IT, they have a heart of gold. They chose to stand by me during these dark times and I am ONLY Grateful to them to help me see that light that I can't seem to see on certain days...I could be in the dumps (emotionally) or I could say something mean, but they know how to be patient with me and pull me out of it. I am truly blessed to be loved the way I am and taken care by my friends. Thanks guys. :)

Another realization that has been creeping in is that I have always depended on men to be there for me for when I fall. I want to lean on another guy when my heart is broken. I want to contact my ex and hold on to him so that this pain within is not so painful; in the midst ignoring my own masculine energy that is patiently waiting for its feminine energy to turn towards it. We all have feminine and masculine energy within us. Left side is feminine. Right side is masculine.  Left is connected to the moon, right to the sun. I have noticed that my whole life my female energy has its head turned towards the left looking for love outside of myself. Instead of looking at the male energy and finding the balance within I have looked outside to find it outside of me. How can I feel whole, if I don't allow my energies to collide, confide, meet within each other? Today I ask my feminine to meet the masculine within. Today I ask myself to Love myself just the way I am. Today I ask to recognize that I cannot be balanced until the two unite...and today I have done just that

I love the person within ... I love the person that I am becoming....and today I experience and recognize the Union of my Masculine and Feminine ...

With Love
Aum 

lessons I learned along the way......

These past few months in India have been a journey of their own... What haven't I learned? It feels like I just went through a crash course in "reality" and I did not even have a chance to take time to digest it all...Had to gulp it down the throat, but its all for good, right? like they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. It for sure does not feel like that in the beginning but it does when we look at that ray of hope.

First and foremost, Thank You all for reading my posts and staying with me on my journey. I know I have been in some really dark places and you have been there for me, by my side. Knowing that my friends are with me on this journey, helps :) I don't think these last few months would have been possible without my friend's strength and support....Maitreyi, Neha, Radhika you have been my pillar and I am sincerely grateful to Creator to have given me all of u....Adeline, Harold, Jerms, Julie, Sarah, Sheelagh...and the list has only begun...Maybe Universe took my parents but in return gave me amazing friends that have become family with time. I heart you all...<3 and how could I forget my sister? She has her own unique way of expressing her love for me. :)

Toughest lesson has been "boundaries". What is allowed and what is not allowed when you are in a relationship with someone, that is something I learned from my previous relationship. Now in the U.S our boundaries are different. We can still go up to our ex's (if your relationship has ended peacefully) and hug them and actually have a genuine conversation with them, but in India even talking to a married or taken man is not something that is taken well by anyone in the society. Forget hugging, even saying "hello" might be taken in a wrong way. Now coming from such a vast culture (specially living in San Francisco; where everything is allowed) India has been a tough, tight place to BE in.

So, I stayed pretty protected from politics and lies in States. I purposely chose to stay in jobs and situations where I knew I did not need to sell my soul for money. Cause if I did, I knew myself well enough, I would not be able to sleep at night knowing I had to climb the corporate ladder stepping on someone else and that was not fathomable for me. So instead I decided to stay in low paying jobs knowing I could at least get a good nights sleep and that my conscious was clear, keeping myself away from politics and lies. But all the protection went right out of the window as soon as i stepped back in India. In States, corruption/ politics take place at a much senior level but in India it starts the moment you are born. You have to be smart enough to be able to tackle the way of life here. It is the survival of the fittest the moment you are born......after all, you are living in a population of 1billion; everyone fighting for recognition and money. Its not an easy race and the worst part is you are in it even if you don't want to be.

So then how do you cope with all of that? We learn the art of detachment; keeping people at arm's length and seeing life for what it is instead of sugar coating it. aaaahhhhhh... so much easier said then done :) I have been lucky to have some really good friends but according to what I hear, they are rare to come by. Trust is a big issue; pouring your heart out just may not be your best bet, here

In short all I am here to say is, I am GRATEFUL... .for Life, for Experiences... for Moments that I may not be able to capture in words but I am only grateful for it ALL. Cause they have made me strong....hopefully a step away from seeing the world just the way it is instead of sugar coating it...Hopefully having the stomach to digest it all.

I am Blessed and Thank You all for Being here...
Love

Maturing or desensitizing, I can't tell...

Life is tough. Its a struggle. You have to fight for your truth and what it is that your truly believe in. Maturing and growing up sometimes can be very painful. You have to keep people at arms length to be able to see what it is that you are even looking at, whether that be the truth or a lie. Now I know why Bapu says, "Samyak distance jaroori che," meaning balanced distance is necessary in any relationship to be able to see the entire truth. And we all know, keeping people at arms length is NOT my expertise.

Our fight begins from within, may that be on a cellular level, ex: good cells trying to out beat a virus when exposed to it, may that be positive thoughts outweighing the negative ones. Now when I am keeping people at arms length what I am seeing in not such a pretty picture. You really get to see the ugly along with the good. You really get to see people what they are for. Not just a pretty picture but all of it. Maybe this is called maturing? I have always had a bubble around my head, my eyes. I always choose to believe good in everyone and mind you, there is but it also comes with a balance of equal amount of bad. I was being blinded by the only good and wanted to bring and see only good in everyone and when the bad did appear i usually wanted to run away from it.

I happen to have a weak stomach for when humans are being mean to another human may that be in an argument or even a fight. Last night my sister and her husband were watching this documentary on Burma and I just happened to walk in from my trip that i had taken for last 1 week. I shared bits and pieces of my trip and they paused the movie while i was sharing my story. After i was done sharing they hit "play" button and the next scene they showed on their DVD were gunshots. Policemen shooting at innocent people that were standing up for their rights and their truth in a riot. I was about to take a bite of my pizza and instead I almost went straight to the bathroom to throw up after watching that scene. I could not stomach how one human being in power could do that to another human being for standing up for their truth and YES I am aware that it happens on every level, including cellular/ molecular but still it jolts me to see it happen specially to innocent people without any guns to defend themselves with. Even more interesting was to see that neither my sister nor my brother in law even flinched at what was being shown on their Samsung big screen plasma. WOW!!! have we become so numb to violence? we must have stomach of irons to digest what we are seeing in this real world. Where has the humanity disappeared? Was I living in a cave until now to not have seen or exposed to all this? Why as humans have we allowed this kind of violence to continue? Do we not see that the person in front of us is none other than our brother or our sister? That we are all connected and killing the person in front of us is killing an aspect of us? Have we become so dead that we allow ALL this to take place on a regular base?

Telling lies have become a way of our lives. Blaming someone else is easier than to take a moment to see that maybe I too might be at fault. Pointing fingers is much easier than taking responsibility for our own actions. And we all want to cop out and do just that. Growing up means taking responsibility. Growing up means recognizing that I too have faults. Growing up means fighting for what your truly believe in and it does not have to be with guns, its usually standing up for what you believe in.

I feel like I lived a sheltered life for a long time and now that I am in the outside world called India, I am seeing things I do not have the strength to digest. Lies, Ego, deceit, corruption, anger, blaming...name it. its a harsh lesson to learn specially when you have to stand in ALL of it and still find strength to speak your truth or even believe in humanity. Standing at that junction of strengthening my stomach to digest the life the way it is being thrown at me, maturing to see it for what it is and still finding some ray of hope that there is still "good in human beings". And for once I cannot and do NOT choose to run from it anymore. I need to go through this phase of life as well. i guess its ALL a part of that learning. I guess its ALL a part of maturing/ growing  up and finding strength to survive this battlefield.

May the Force BE with me