Our fight begins from within, may that be on a cellular level, ex: good cells trying to out beat a virus when exposed to it, may that be positive thoughts outweighing the negative ones. Now when I am keeping people at arms length what I am seeing in not such a pretty picture. You really get to see the ugly along with the good. You really get to see people what they are for. Not just a pretty picture but all of it. Maybe this is called maturing? I have always had a bubble around my head, my eyes. I always choose to believe good in everyone and mind you, there is but it also comes with a balance of equal amount of bad. I was being blinded by the only good and wanted to bring and see only good in everyone and when the bad did appear i usually wanted to run away from it.
I happen to have a weak stomach for when humans are being mean to another human may that be in an argument or even a fight. Last night my sister and her husband were watching this documentary on Burma and I just happened to walk in from my trip that i had taken for last 1 week. I shared bits and pieces of my trip and they paused the movie while i was sharing my story. After i was done sharing they hit "play" button and the next scene they showed on their DVD were gunshots. Policemen shooting at innocent people that were standing up for their rights and their truth in a riot. I was about to take a bite of my pizza and instead I almost went straight to the bathroom to throw up after watching that scene. I could not stomach how one human being in power could do that to another human being for standing up for their truth and YES I am aware that it happens on every level, including cellular/ molecular but still it jolts me to see it happen specially to innocent people without any guns to defend themselves with. Even more interesting was to see that neither my sister nor my brother in law even flinched at what was being shown on their Samsung big screen plasma. WOW!!! have we become so numb to violence? we must have stomach of irons to digest what we are seeing in this real world. Where has the humanity disappeared? Was I living in a cave until now to not have seen or exposed to all this? Why as humans have we allowed this kind of violence to continue? Do we not see that the person in front of us is none other than our brother or our sister? That we are all connected and killing the person in front of us is killing an aspect of us? Have we become so dead that we allow ALL this to take place on a regular base?
Telling lies have become a way of our lives. Blaming someone else is easier than to take a moment to see that maybe I too might be at fault. Pointing fingers is much easier than taking responsibility for our own actions. And we all want to cop out and do just that. Growing up means taking responsibility. Growing up means recognizing that I too have faults. Growing up means fighting for what your truly believe in and it does not have to be with guns, its usually standing up for what you believe in.
I feel like I lived a sheltered life for a long time and now that I am in the outside world called India, I am seeing things I do not have the strength to digest. Lies, Ego, deceit, corruption, anger, blaming...name it. its a harsh lesson to learn specially when you have to stand in ALL of it and still find strength to speak your truth or even believe in humanity. Standing at that junction of strengthening my stomach to digest the life the way it is being thrown at me, maturing to see it for what it is and still finding some ray of hope that there is still "good in human beings". And for once I cannot and do NOT choose to run from it anymore. I need to go through this phase of life as well. i guess its ALL a part of that learning. I guess its ALL a part of maturing/ growing up and finding strength to survive this battlefield.
May the Force BE with me
