I matter

I matter. I don't know when and where I picked up that no matter what good I do, it does not matter. For example: Even if I eat leafy green vegetables as a meal for being healthy, it does not matter or help in making me strong. My whole existence does not matter. A bit too much for my first-time readers but keep reading it will make sense. 

I think what happened growing up in India was, I was the youngest in my family of 4. And no matter what I said, was disregarded or taken for granted. In Indian culture and in most cultures, when you are the youngest, the way you are looked at is, "you are young, shup up, you don't know what you are talking about. Let the elders decide." What I said, did not matter to my family members or to my sibling. I was looked as someone who just existed, someone who should just listen to elders and do as told. Anyone else have that in their family dynamic? you are the youngest, do as you are told. Do not ask too many questions and just listen to elders. In those dynamics, I gave my power away to people outside of me. I started seeing myself as someone who did not matter. And that belief system snow balled to something bigger as time passed by. I started to believe that no matter what good I did, did not count. I did not count. I did not matter. No matter how good I did for my health, it does not matter because I would self-sabotage it with something equally unhealthy. You know what I mean? 

We as humans are powerful beings. Our thoughts are powerful, and we create our own reality. While making a meal or while exercising or while trying to be healthy, if your mental conversation to yourself is, "what's the point anyways? OR this isnt going to work OR this isn't giving me the results fast enough I am done spending time doing this? that self-talk is more sabotaging than anything else. I just recently caught myself with one of these self-sabotaging conversations while making a healthy meal for myself. I had to stop and catch myself. And when I tried to get to the bottom of this cycle, I realized this is something I picked up as a child growing up in India. Years later, I am realizing I matter. What I do, how I do it. What I say, how I say it. What I eat, what I do for selfcare and selflove. It all matters. I matter. My actions towards myself matter. And when you put a positive spin to your personal talk then miracles happen my friend. Because now we are putting power and intention behind our words and actions. Positive self-talk is much more healing and soothing then negative self-talk. Words are powerful. Self-talk that is positive, encouraging and loving are even more powerful. 

I did a recode that helped me release my negative self-talk. I immediately saw a difference in my being. Recode takes 24 to 48 hours to ground in our reality. I grounded it by making sure that I would repeat on regular basis that "I matter" and that everything I am doing counts and mattes. And not only counts, but also sets out a butterfly effect giving permission to others to evolve and love themselves so much more and it gives them permission in letting them know, that they matter, that "you matter"

Expressing Anger can be healthy and healing

 

PS: I don't have a picture of me expressing my anger, so instead I am posting what I created recently with my kiddo :) which is me resting on the grass, looking at the sky roll by. As the river flows nearby.

When was the last time you allowed yourself to express your anger? Since I was a child suppressing anger instead of expressing it was the most common cultural thing to do. I remember being a good girl if I kept my mouth shut instead of saying what I truly felt. And I feel like nothing much has truly changed since then. I haven't allowed or given myself the permission to express anger because that would mean I'm not a good girl. That would mean I'm misbehaving. That would mean I'm going against the society rule of what a good girl should be doing. Suppressing that anger or not even allowing yourself to feel any anger is something I've trained myself to do for a very long time. And now I feel like it is showing up in my world more and more knocking on my door asking me to express what frustrates me asking me to express how I'm truly feeling asking me to express my true nature instead of suppressing it with sugarcoats and sweetness. How many of us do this? how many of us suppress our inner voice of wanting to scream on top of their lungs expressing how we feel but we don't allow ourselves to because that means we're not a good girl or a good boy? Anger is not a bad emotion anger gets a bad Rep because when expressed it can hurt the other person and when expressed it can come out in violence, but if you go to the roots of where it starts from not being able to speak your truth and then bottling it up, and again bottling it up, and then again bottling it up.

Anger expressed in a controlled manner is so healthy for every single one of us. For example, anger expressed in a kickboxing class or anger expressed in a boxing class or anger expressed in a shooting range or anger expressed at a golf course (of course on the ball) or anger expressed at one of those furniture breaking places. And as I write this, I feel that permission needs to be given to every little child every little girl every little boy to recognize that anger is OK, and it is OK to express that emotion in a controlled space. What do you think about this?

In Ayurveda and in Chinese medicine (please correct me if I am wrong) but your seat of anger in your body is the liver. When you catch yourself getting angry for small reasons or no reasons, it is mostly because liver is overloaded with toxins, and it needs to go through either a cleanse and/or expression of anger. And what better way to do so than by eating healthier foods, especially apples. Apples, beet roots, carrots are some great fruits and vegetables for the liver. Even making a juice out of that trio is delicious and nurturing to our liver and healing. So, if you are anything like me or if you have suppressed your anger / your true nature, now is a good time to look at your life. Beginning of the new year, give yourself permission to feel those feelings and if need be, find a space where you can express that anger in a controlled manner. I actually started boxing lately and it really helps me harness those feelings and emotions and focus on directing it on the sandbag in front of me. Let 2022 be an authentic year for you, and for me. Happy New Year everyone.