Please note: This is not an excuse to not working out or taking better care of my health. It is merely an understanding of the fat on my body.
Oh Fat on my body: How I have hated THEE, even though ALL you have done is protected me. I wished evil upon you; that you burn and melt out from my life. So many times I have tried destroying your evil empire on my body, different techniques, different diets to get rid of you from me. Oh dear fat, how I hated THEE when ALL you have done is protected me.
You protected me from feelings of hurt. Whenever I could not stand up for myself or speak in time in my defense, a layer was formed around my heart and body protecting me so that no one could ever make me feel that sad again. Whenever I couldn't speak my truth and buried it deep where no one could find it, another layer of you was created within me to protect my heart and keep me safe in my body. With each incident instead of running it out or exercising or standing up for myself I choose to be a people pleaser and shove that voice deep within creating yet another layer of you around me. Whenever my heart broke, whether it was because of a loss, or an ending of a relationship fat you were there to fill in that grief for me. No matter how hard I wish you away the truth is you have kept me and my heart safe till day.
I feel safe now, and I am feel it might be safe for me to be thin again. I question will I be able to stand negative attacks from the world outside of me if I loose the one thing that has been protecting me? Dear Fat, you have been my shield from what the world has said about me, and NOW to wish you BE, is a question I have. Who will keep me safe and protected once you are gone? Will I be able to stand up for myself for once? Will I be able to speak my truth at the moment when it matters? Will I shut my voice down again to hear other's over mine? Oh fat, no matter what I have said about you, you have only protected me through and through. This might be the first time I understand you and why you have chosen to be here with me. Thank You fat for protecting me and for keeping me safe ALL these years. I am Grateful for you. That does not mean my journey to becoming stronger stops, it just means I see you for what you are and I LOVE YOU
